sunshine_messages | Of Slugs And Idiots [Closed, Slug Post]

[A slug, small and colored a curious black, appears in a puff of smoke on the Godaime's desk. It vomits - yes, vomits - up a scroll covered in sticky slug stuff. Underneath that it's sealed with wax, however, and the message inside is just fine.

There's no heading before it jumps straight into the letter, and the entire thing is written in a precise, surprisingly flowing style of handwriting.]

Think I found wart-nose. If it's him, I'm gonna haul him back to Konoha so you and Minato can cuss the little shit out. Got anything to say before I castrate him and all he can think of is his not-going-to-happen-anyway potential children?

(Don't bother feeding or thanking Katya. She's already gotten into your inkwell, and she doesn't understand anything besides basic directions. Just write back and give her the scroll. Might wanna coat it in wax or something.)

[Sure enough, the slug has gotten itself into Obito's inkwell and settled herself into it. By the time he either coaxes her out, or gives her the scroll so she can puff back to Tsunade, she's already soaked up all the ink.]

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[Nooo, that had been his favorite color of ink too. Damn. He stared at the slug morosely for a moment as he looked away from the letter, then sighed, digging around for another, and keeping it well away from the slug as he scrawled out a reply. It's Tsunade's own fault if it's dark Orange on cream paper though. Ink-swiping slugs were so uncool.]

Tsundade-hime,

So, you finally tracked him down huh? I would have to say that castrating him probably wouldn't be the best method to calm him down. I mean, wouldn't he be hysterical after that? You know your business, of course, so there's not much I can say on that front, but, well...

You could let him know that I have some new seals I want to show him next time he's in town though. That might get him to be a little less whiny.

Obito

[He eyed the slug, then drew a quick seal on the paper, one that was meant to keep off water damage, and when his office had been flooded a while back by an overzealous chunin that had saved some important treaties. Satisfied, he rolled it up, capped then ends, then handed it over to go back to Tsunade.]

[The slug ate the scroll, a disproportionately large mouth forming just for the task, then disappeared.

A few hours later, the same slug re-appeared, vomited up another scroll, and went in search of more ink.]

Calm him down? Hell, castration is the only thing that's gonna calm me down. The only way he can stop me dragging him back to Konoha is if he fights dirty, and I'm willing to get dirtier than he is.

I'll tell him about the seals. After that he'll probably find some excuse to come back with me, castration and all.

The Uchiha better be studying. There's gonna be a test when I get back, and if he fails I'm gonna have him running wind sprints until he pukes orange.

[Like the last one, this letter has neither opening nor a signature.]

Orange? [He shoves a bottle of cheap ink at the slug he'd been trying to find someone to pawn off on before she could get into more of his good stuff.] ... I'll just not ask. [Shaking his head, he quickly set about writing a reply.]

Tsunade-hime...

Sasuke isn't the one around here that does orange so I have to admit that was a worrying declaration all around okay? Okay.

...

So what did Jiraiya do to piss you off anyway?

Obito

[Satisfied, he handed it over, already realizing he desperately needed to get more slug eatable ink, he did the same as with the last letter and sent it off.]

[The slug settles into the bottle, managing to look smug despite having no facial features and only a limited amount of body with which to have body language. When he hands her the letter, she eats it, and disappears.

This time, Tsunade's letter doesn't appear until the next day. The same ink-eating slug appears with his letter, managing to look at Obito expectantly.]

He knows how I am. When he can knock me out, I'll stop running him so hard. Told Shizune the same thing. Hah. Knowing them, one day they'll team up on me.

What hasn't Jiraiya done to piss me off? Went gallavanting about without a damn word, doesn't have the decency to keep up with his apprentice. Not to mention his stupid face.

...I don't think this is him. Just saw this guy disappear into one of those hotels with another guy.

[A bottle of ink was set before the slug, then he got to his reply. It wasn't immediate though, as he had to finish his current correspondence first. Thus, over an hour later, he finally sent back his answer.]

That seems like a strong indicator that it wouldn't be him.

are you sure he'd never take up with a guy though? Even with his reputation I wouldn't guarantee it.

Of Slugs And Idiots [Closed, Slug Post]

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