Kuzuryu Ashiko (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sekihan) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sunshine_messages2015-05-21 03:25 pm
sekihan) wrote in sunshine_messages2015-05-21 03:25 pm
Entry tags:
A series of letters to Obito
The following letters were sent from various towns and arrived at various times, not necessarily in order.
#1, dated February 16
I apologize for the inconvenience, but due to various factors it became necessary for the scroll I had previously been using to contact you to be incinerated. I underwent a great shock recently, and have gone on a journey of self-discovery and reflection. It sounds trite, I know, but I have a great deal of contemplation I must do.
I hope that you will forgive the imposition, but I have elected to use yours a sounding-board, of sorts. Or, perhaps I simply feel better, having my thoughts open to the scrutiny of an unbiased third-party. Truthfully... I do not know. There is much I am not certain of, right now, but I hope the letters I send henceforth will not be an imposition.
If they are, then you need not spare my feelings; tear them up, burn them, their fate is your choice, as ever.
Wishing you the best,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
#2, dated February 20
I wonder, how much does your duty define you? For me, it is a much a part of me as my limbs, my lungs, my very blood. It is coiled tight inside me, and now... now it is choking my very heart. My duty drives me to two ends, equally.
But in this matter, equality is impossible.
I fear I may be torn in two by the choice I must make, but being torn would automatically count as a failure. A Kuzuryu does not fail, I was taught. A Kuzuryu perseveres and succeeds, for the sake of their master. My master...
I've rambled, and I'll need to leave soon if I want to catch a ride to the next town.
Wishing you well,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
#4, dated February 27
I apologize. My previous letter was needlessly personal. I am shamed to admit that I was three sheets to the wind when I wrote it. I shall endeavor to avoid showing you such a side of myself a third time.
Repentantly yours,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
#5, dated March 3
Though I privately pledged to avoid talking about it, my shameful missive from a few weeks ago has roused memories that and thoughts that will not be silenced. I can only pray trapping them on paper and offering them an audience (if you are indeed still humoring this whim of mine) puts some of them to rest again.
Being a doll and being a rabbit... is there a difference? Is one better than the other?
Do I have a right to have such a preference?
A Kuzuryu does not choose their master. I, specifically, was born for the sake of serving one particular person. But when that person was, for all intents and purposes, lost to me...
Danna-sama picked me up, and gave me a reason to live. A master to live for. A Kuzuryu cannot be anything other than a Kuzuryu. I... do not wish to be anything less than a Kuzuryu. But Danna-sama is not the man I was born for.
Sometimes I miss the days when my main duty was simply eating carrots that the young master didn't wish to.
Sincerely,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
#8, dated March 29
I spent the day at a luxurious little onsen. It reminded me of—
I almost wrote 'home', then. Isn't it strange? That place was destroyed when I was a toddler. I've spent more time with Danna-sama than in that place. I thought he was home.
I wonder if I am fickle or nostalgic.
Sincerely,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
#6, dated March 5
I wonder, what is your clan like? (I can feel comfortable asking this because you have no way to respond to me.) My clan... or, i should say, the ghost of my clan, has always been with me. Grandfather told me stories when I was little, of our clan and its masters, of what would one day be expected of me.
For myself, all I remember of my clan is my mother, smiling, and a carpet of corpses. I think my mother was pregnant. Grandfather wouldn't talk about that, when I asked.
I want, so badly, to have a family again. Is that selfish, or my duty as a Kuzuryu?
Sincerely,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
#9, dated April 4
I've seen things, in my life, some so terrible as to make grown men scream and whimper, and I was utterly unmoved. Because it was Danna-sama's work, and none of it seemed as monstrous as some of the stories Grandfather once told me. That's what I thought, at least. But is it more than that? I have killed men. I am not a shinobi, nor a samurai. A normal civilian woman would be much more fragile, I think.
A man tried to either rob or rape me today, and I killed him. He was not the first, and likely will not be the last. I rolled his body into a ditch and left. I didn't even think twice about it.
I wonder, is there something wrong with me?
Sincerely,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
#7, dated March 12, waterlogged and blurry
re you? I don't t ve asked you that recently. I sup really make a diff
You can' ctly answer m ter all. I do hope all the same. You
a comfort. Is strange?
inning to rain. The innkeeper says it m flood. I'll end m here for tod
Sin
ryu Ashik
#10, dated April 12
I used to despise traveling. I don't think I ever told you that. I felt as though I was being punished, every time I was sent away from Danna-sama's side. I feel as though I'm punishing myself, now. I don't know whose side I'm keeping myself from as punishment, however.
...that might be a lie. Forgive me, Obito-sama. I am traveling by boat, so my nerves are on edge.
Respectfully,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
#11, dated April 20
Have you ever fallen in love?
A strange and personal inquiry, I know, but I was recently asked to bless a couple at their wedding—apparently, I have gained a reputation as a wandering spirit?—and they looked so very, very happy. Almost delirious, really. I don't know if I will ever feel that way. A Kuzuryu puts their master first, above all. We have, in some cases, been used as paramours and mistresses by the masters we serve, despite martial ties. Danna-sama and my birth-master have never required anything of the sort from me.
I know I must rebuild my clan, but I don't know if that tier of happiness is available to me. I sincerely hope it is to you. I think you are a man that deserves that kind of happiness.
Even if you do drop in on naked young ladies.
Sincerely,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
#12, dated May 1
I may have lied, in my last letter to you. That tier of happiness... that love... I want to believe my feelings for my master count towards that, albeit in a slightly different way. When I think of his face, my heart grows light, when I think of being with him, a smile creeps across my face. I ache, in a sweet way, when I think of going back to him.
And then I think of Danna-sama, and I feel like complete trash. Like scum. Like something even lower than scum, even, for feeling this way after all that he has done for me.
Sincerely,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
#13, dated May 2
I think... I think I feel guilty, towards Danna-sama.
I think that might be half of my answer, maybe.
Sincerely,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
#14, May 14
I don't know if what I decide is right. I don't know if my ancestors would approve, or spit upon me for my choice. I only know how I feel, and after this little sabbatical, I think that may be the most important thing.
My name is Kuzuryu Ashiko. I was born in the Land of Ice, to a family I was proud of. I was conceived for one person, who I lost for years. And he came back. Danna-sama... Orochimaru-sama took me in, and I served him faithfully for years. I had a home with him, and it felt like all I could ever want.
But it isn't. I want—
I want to go home, Obito-sama. And I finally understand just where that is.
Thank you,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
#3, dated February 22, postmarked to Kumo, then Kiri, then Kusa, then finally Konoha
When I was
yunger yoounlittle, things made sense. I had Yama-sama. I would've died for him. Most of my family did.For years, I wished I had too. Sometimes, even with Danna-sama I thought about doing it. Ending it. But I had to revive the clan, had to take care of Danna-sama, had to run errands and clean and cook...
I wonder if you'll have somebody kill me. I hope not.
I don't wanna die anymore. My Yama-sama is alive.
(unsigned)
#15, dated May 21, through a new scroll
I am uncertain as to how many, if any, of my missives you read. I hope you will forgive the imposition. My resolve has firmed up, I am happy to report. So, instead of blathering on about sentimental topics of no value to you, I have a simple question.
How much is information about Orochimaru and the village he is currently connected to worth to you?
Awaiting your reply,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
May 22nd, morning
He made sure the security on his response was as private as possible on his reply without being above her possibility of being able to open it.]
Ashiko,
One thing you never needed to do for writing me, at any time, personal or not over the years, has been apologize. You sent me apologies many times in your letters over the last months, and the only real reason to apologize for any of them is in leaving me no way to reply to you when when seemed to need someone to speak to.
All the same, I'm relieved that you've found some sort of peace in those months, and have come to a decision on the matter that is plaguing you. I hope, that in the future, you do not so dramatically fall out of contact with me.
I can also honestly say that I am relieved to finally know what, exactly, your connection to Orochimaru is through parsing your prior letters with your question. The information would be invaluable, especially in light of the situation breaking out across the continent, though I must ask what you would need of me for this to come to pass.
You never struck me as a woman who needed much in the way of money, after all.
Uchiha Obito
no subject
I am afraid that is one thing I cannot bring myself to apologize for, ironically enough. I needed a certain feeling of isolation, these past few months. This was not a decision I could afford to let anybody other than myself make. Perhaps I did wish for a more communicative confidant, at times, but given that I was not sure which path I would choose it seemed... sly, to invite you into an intimate correspondence.
I would say that I am naught but a maid, but that would be along the lines of you describing yourself as a mere mercenary. I am highly skilled, not to put too fine a point on the matter. Surely not as impressive as any of your shinobi, but a Kuzuryu is bred for excellence.
You are correct. Money isn't much more than metal and paper to me. But my home... My home is priceless to me, Obito-sama. The Land of Ice, I suspect, will be going through another bout of political upheaval very soon. Perhaps it has already started; I have isolated myself from that as well these past few months. You have to understand, Obito-sama, once I give you what I know, I must give it in its entirety. The second I do so, I will become a target for elimination.
Orochimaru-sama and his own are very good at elimination.
So, before I commit to any such peril, I need to know: is Orochimaru-sama, his current affiliation, and his last semi-permanent base of operations that I know of worth your political support of the future regime of Ice?
Sincerely,
Kuzuryu Ashiko
no subject
You have no need to fear for those of Ice from myself, and may even take some comfort in knowing you are not the first that as made contact with me on the matter of that country in some way over the last months.
Simply put, yes, much as my political support can be spared in the coming chaos, Ice will have it.
Please know that while I wish I could promise such a thing unfettered, I cannot, and must first obtain the information before making any guarantees as to how such support will be handled.
I will, of course, need to know if the person who approached me is the same that you expect will step up, however, or this might quickly grow complicated.
Uchiha Obito