sunshine_messages | [CLOSED TO OBITO] Back-dated to December 3rd

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[CLOSED TO OBITO] Back-dated to December 3rd

Hokage-Sama,

Regarding the recent mission... I sincerely apologize. I don't know if Sasuke-senpai put it on the statement, but he was only injured because I froze in the face of our enemies. He nearly died because of me, and I want to assume full responsibility for that.

That being said, there's something else I want to bring up. I want specialized training in genjutsu and fear-intensive combat. I don't want anything like that to happen again, and if I could call on you to help me take the right steps to do that, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

- Adela Milani

[ That letter seems so stiff and formal, and... She doesn't feel entirely like herself in the letter, reading it over and over. But, at the same time, she knows that's what she needs to do. She still feels awful, like she can't apologize enough over what happened -- but if she really was sorry, she'd take steps to never let it happen again. She'd never let her fear take over again... She'd never be such a coward again. Couldn't afford to be.

That was when she made sure to send the missive to Obito, lying in her bed as she waited somewhat anxiously for a response. ]

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[The reply was carefully penned, and he made sure it was given in timely fashion.]

Milani-san,

The resolve to change is what matters, and the apology should be worked out with the person you feel you've wronged. You improve on what you need to and make sure it doesn't happen again. I am not the best person to use that particular method of training, however I can easily arrange for you to be mentored in it.

Come speak to me in the morning.

Uchiha Obito,
Godaime Hokage

I'll be there.

Adela

[ That's all that written in response, and the next day is met with a rap against the Hokage's door at about eight in the morning. She was tired, not having slept particularly well, but she wasn't going to go back to bed nor did she feel like doing so. ]

Hokage-sama. Adela Milani reporting in.

He glanced up on hearing her speak, inclining his head to her even as he examined her. She looked tired. No good in that, really, but she would do what she needed to. He waved her forward.

"I've looked over several options about the genjutsu training. I must ask, why do you feel you need it?"

Adela sighed, trying to avoid showing any other signs of nervousness during their conversation. Not that she felt she needed to hide it, but a part of her didn't want to show it regardless.

"I've... Been susceptible to fear reactions on the field, Hokage-Sama. I need to learn to control it better, and to have better emotional and chakra control. When I was done the fight, I was exhausted -- something that might have been avoided if I was better with genjutsu."

She looked him in the eye then, standing tall and resolute, "I can't change what's already happened. What I can do is prepare for the future and make sure it doesn't happen again. That's why, Hokage-sama."

"It doesn't help." He leaned back in his chair, a sigh on his lips. "The only thing that jolts you out of that reaction is learning that you have to control it. For me, at least, no matter how much genjutsu experience I had, it was useless against a freezing in place reaction until I managed to get myself moving under my own power."

He shook his head slightly. "What would get that out of you?"

She averted her eyes then, truly ashamed of what had happened -- why she was there and even talking about this. A sigh, nd she just let the words tumble out quietly, neither saying too much nor too little.

"They were from Kirigakure. That's why I froze."

"Are you truly that frightened by the village you were born in Adela?" His tone was low, steady, but not exactly gentle. He did want an answer, but he wasn't gong to force the point.

"... I... Sort of am."

A sigh and she bowed her head completely, knowing that it was a terrible thing to admit - that fear had stopped her. What kind of Hokage could she be if she stopped when she was afraid...?

"I grew up around monsters, there. Monsters that always seemed like they were unbeatable. Monsters like my cousin... It always felt like, growing up there, that I'd never be enough to even come close to matching them. Or even be a proper challenger. I... I need to let that go, but I don't know how."

"They're not monsters." His tone was firm, unyielding. "If that is your view of them, simply because they are as they are... then that explains a great deal, and says just how very far you have to go."

He shook his head slightly. "Until you learn to see them as people and not as a faceless entity, you will never proceed forward."

"It's not that they're faceless, it's that they're... Ridiculous. I don't mean to be insulting, but they could probably go toe to toe with you, Hokage-Sama," She quivered a little, still not meeting his eye as she tried to swallow down her emotions further.

It was terrifying, not because of how strong they were, but because of the notion that she might never be strong enough to meet that strength, let alone surpass it. That she'd always be that weak runt who got bullied and had to be saved... That she would never be enough.

"Some. But every village has people like that Milani-san." He leaned forward, meeting her eyes. "Just because I am kind does not make me weaker, please remember that. Just as their lack of kindness does not make them stronger. Konoha has more powerful shinobi than most of the villages, and that includes Kiri."

He was examining her face, something stern there. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Once more Adela failed to answer, and she clenched at her sleeves as he continued. Understood? Sure. She knew that Konoha had its own monsters, but... They hadn't seen Sephiroth, had they? And Kisame was nothing to sneeze at either, and with shinobi like that...

She couldn't help feeling timid at the prospect, wondering if she ever could even come close to that level. Would she ever be able to get over her fears, and to overcome her greatest obsticals?

"... Hokage-Sama... It's not that easy. I wish it was. But the... The shinobi I'm talking about were all talented from a really young age. They didn't get bullied and picked on, because they were too strong for that even when they were very young. They weren't runts. And they've only had time to become stronger from there. I'd have a death wish if I wasn't afraid."

"Does Hatake Kakashi terrify you?" He was looking at her evenly, waiting. "Does Uchiha Itachi? They're not dissimilar from the people you're thinking of. The only thing different is that Konoha lets their shinobi have some innocence in not shoving the killing down their throat. I'm not saying it's rational fear you have Milani-san. I am saying that you seem to be holding that village and it's people on a pedestal that is not as high as you seem to believe it is."

She was unable to answer verbally, a little shocked at the names listed. He did get her shaking her head however, and what Obito was saying... It just made her feel further humiliated that she had froze. That she had almost killed Sasuke with her inaction.

"Why the hell d'you think I want to get over it...?"

"You have to see and understand those things around you before you can get over something like that Milani-san. I advise you look closely at your world, then pick apart what makes this a fear from there."

"... I can try, but... I dunno," She was ashamed to admit it. That she didn't know what the hell to do, or even where to start. It sounded like Obito was trying to tell her where, but... She still didn't know. She didn't think she could figure it out herself, or she probably would have by now. It just made her feel that much more weak and vulnerable, then.

He examined her face, then finally let out a deep sigh. "If you need help, you do know that help is freely offered, correct?"

"... That's why I came here to begin with..."

"I meant beyond myself. If you like, I can have a Yamanaka work with you. I can only do so much." He gave her a wan smile. "I'm many things, but this is not one of my better skills."

Once again Adela seemed distinctly uncomfortable - not really wanting to talk about it, or to have mental 'help' beyond being able to do things herself. This was the second time in less than a year too - was she really that weak?

But, that was the point... To get stronger again. She sighed, closing her eyes and holding her arms close to her body in an act of self comfort, "... Okay."

He examined her intently for a moment, then nodded. "You're a brave girl. Most shinobi are too afraid to allow themselves to be helped. I'll arrange a day for you. Do you want the same person?"

"I just don't wanna be weak anymore... That's all. Same person'd be easier," She was only nodding in response then, still not quite meeting Obito's eye.

"Believe it or not, it's not about being weak. It's about having a soft spot you have to fix. It's not good, and you need to get a handle on it sooner rather than later, but it's not as though everyone doesn't have something. I'll make the arrangement and let you know." He wasn't gentle about how he said it, more matter of fact, laying it out in plain terms.

"A soft spot?" She blinked at the question, thrown off by the wording -- and how bluntly he was speaking. This wasn't an Obito she was used to speaking with, and it immediately had her on edge.

"A soft spot." He nodded, settling back in his chair. "You've found yours. Some are triggered off by fire, snakes. Some by clocks, some by trees or women. It varies wildly, but everyone has one. You being ashamed of yours isn't something you need to be. You know it, now you fix it."

She sighed a bit, just nodding as she understood what he was trying to say. She'd found her weakness, and now she was taking steps to fix it. Was that about right? Well, yeah, that really was what she was trying to do, so...

"... Is there anything you want to talk to me about before I go, Hokage-sama?"

"No, I think anything else can wait for another day. Go rest." He nodded toward the door, demeanor softening.

"Yeah... Thanks," Another nod and she finally turned to leave, still feeling a little shaken and uncomfortable but... Well, now she was doing something about it. She couldn't let her fears stop her anymore, not if she wanted to reach her goals and protect her important people.

"Anytime." He didn't stop her, instead turning back to his work and getting a fresh paper out to put in the request for her.

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[CLOSED TO OBITO] Back-dated to December 3rd

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